Ugh. I double-checked the calendar just to be sure I had the date right. It seemed like I should still have a few weeks, or a few days, at least. But no. Today was definitely June 6. It was definitely the last day of school. It was definitely a day I learned to dread over years and years. Literally. Years and years and years and years…
Earlier on, days like today weren’t so awful. I had learned to deal with the end of school without all the mushy good-byes and the tears and… all the drama of having friends. I always move around so often, I try not to get too attached. Well, I wouldn’t really have to try. Everyone just instinctively stayed away. It used to be easier for me to stay away from people. It used to be easier for me to stay friendless.
But I can feel it in me. I’m changing. I don’t feel the same any more. I feel… happy more often. I feel like I have a chance at being a good person. I feel like my life could almost be bearable.
But then I realize… my life can’t be bearable. No matter who you are, my life is not worth living.
I decided I’d have to break it to Lindsey today. I’m leaving North Carolina, and not coming back. Ever.
I pulled my eyes off the calendar, knowing what would be waiting for me at school. I went to gather my stuff, then thought better of it. It was the last day of school. Why would I need my books? I should know that by now, after going through this same routine so many years in a row.
I at least grabbed my keys, knowing for sure I would need those, and headed out the door. I crawled into my black Porsche. I had gotten used to the attention of having such a nice car. I mean, I’m pretty sure that no one else in Wilmington has a Porsche. If they do, I sure as heck haven’t seen it.
I put my keys in and started the engine. I listened to the roar of the engine, and decided I might have to change cars once I moved. I don’t think I can put up with that much attention. It was just a little too loud for my taste.
I backed out of the driveway and started on the drive to school. It didn’t take that long, sadly. I was hoping I could hold off a little bit before I got there. I wanted to stay away from Lindsey as long as possible. I don’t think I can put up with all her drama, let alone the whole school’s.
I pulled into a spot in the parking lot reluctantly. I looked around for Lindsey before opening my car door. I thought the coast was clear, so I went ahead and stepped out. I obviously was wrong, because as soon as I shut the door, two skinny tan arms locked around me from behind.
“Nicole, I can’t believe it’s the last day of school!” She shouted unknowingly into my ear.
“Lindsey, you can let go.” I said glumly. She let go of me as I turned to face her.
“Nicole, what’s wrong?” she hesitated. Then a look of complete understanding crossed her face.
“Oh, you’re upset because school’s over! Don’t worry!” She hugged me again. “I’ll keep in touch, and we’ll get together all the time and go to the beach together and go shopping and maybe you can take me for a ride in your Porsche because that would be so much fun and I’m sure it’ll all be okay…” Her voice drifted as she looked at my still solid face.
“There’s something I need to tell you Lindsey,” my face still held still. I didn’t want to seem too dramatic, but I didn’t want to show how cheerful I was to be leaving.
“W-w-what is it?” She said, stuttering a bit at my unresponsive face.
“Well, I won’t see you this summer.”
“What do you mean? Of course you will! I’m not going anywhere on vacation this year, so I’ll always be here. Unless…” she thought for a moment. Her eyes widened. “Are you going on vacation? Why didn’t you tell me? Where are you going? Ohmygosh you have to take lots of pictures and send me a postcard! I bet you’re going to a beach. I’m sure it’ll be beautiful." She paused, noticing the look on my face. "Nicole? You’re going on vacation, right? Is that why you won’t see me?”
“Kind of. I’m sort of going… on a very, very long vacation. And…” I gulped, seeing her eyes widen even more, if that was possible. “I’m not coming back.”
Her mouth fell open.
“You’re… leaving?” Her bottom lip started quivering as her eyes teared up. “Nicole, it’s bad enough that I won’t get to see some of my other friends this summer because they’re going on vacation, but you’re moving? You’re just going to leave me?” She completely broke down at this point.
I felt glad to get that out. I was glad to know I'd never see her again. It felt good to see her in pain. It was a nice change, seeing her so upset instead of so perky. Her tears fell freely, not caring that she was wearing makeup.
“Aw, Lindsey. It’s not that bad." I tried to sound like I wasn't happy. "I’ve only been here for a few years anyway. It’ll be like I was never here in the first place. Or you could put yourself through this misery knowing that I was here, and that I’m never coming back. Come on, Lindsey. It’s not like I’m your best friend. That’s Zoey’s job.” I ranted. I was starting to get a little frustrated. She shouldn’t be this upset over me. I wasn’t important. I shouldn’t matter. I don’t even know why she picked me to be her friend in the first place. I tried to restrain
myself from pummeling her right there.
“But… Nicole…” She whispered. “I’ll miss you… so much… how… can you do this to me?”
“Lindsey, I didn’t decide to leave. That’s my mom’s doing.” I spoke, playing the mom’s-the-one-to-blame card. I don’t know how anyone could fall for that one, it’s such a wimpy excuse.
“That doesn’t change the fact… that you’re leaving!” Lindsey sobbed.
“Let’s get to homeroom, Lins. We don’t want to be too late. And try to calm yourself down.” I said, pulling her towards the building. I guided her to our homeroom while her tears stopped and her breathing slowed. Right outside the door, she put the brakes on to dig through her purse. She pulled out a small mirror to clean up her makeup. She saw me roll my eyes.
“You know, if you were the one crying, you wouldn’t want to walk into class looking like a raccoon.” She accused.
“I know, I know…” I said. That was seriously one of the only things Lindsey cared about. She was so stuck up sometimes. I don't know why I ever put up with her. The irresistible urge to hurt her hit me again. I took slow, deep breaths. I didn't want to cause a scene on the last day of school.
Once she was done, we walked into homeroom together, and sat towards the back right as Mrs. Lavina took roll. I wasn’t really paying attention, just staring at the desk.
“Nicole James?” She asked.
I jerked in my seat as if I were sleeping.
“Uh, yes I’m here.”
Mrs. Lavina gave me a look and moved on.
The rest of the morning flew by so quickly, it was time for lunch already. As we filled into the cafeteria, I took my usual seat by Lindsey. We sat with her boyfriend John, Zoey and her boyfriend Adam, and Adrienne. Adrienne and I were the only ones at our table who felt a little awkward. Me, because I hated every single person in this group. Adrienne, because she didn’t have a boyfriend. Everyone chatted quietly while I sat and ate my pizza. Ick. School pizza. Some of the grossest stuff ever, but hey, it was food.
“I think… Nicole has something to say. You guys should all really know this.” Lindsey spoke louder than I thought was possible on this topic. “Well, go ahead Nicole.”
Everyone at the table was looking at me. Why me? I hate it when they all stare me down.
“Um…” I began. Way to start this off, Nicole. “Well, I’m sort of… moving…” Lindsey looked away, trying to hide her face. Everyone was still looking at me.
“Why?” Zoey asked, like she could really care less, but she wanted to sound like she did care.
“Uh… my mom got a new job. She thinks she’ll like it a lot better.”
“Where are you moving to?” Adrienne joined in the act. I hated the way they all ganged up on
me like this.
“We’re moving to…” I thought for a moment for emphasis, although I already had my address memorized. “New Hampshire.” I lied. We were really moving to New Jersey. But they couldn’t know that. No one could know that.
“Wow… that far away?” Zoey asked again, with false sadness.
“Yeah. My mom doesn’t really like the weather down here to much anyway.” I added. I hoped that sounded like a good answer. I don’t know why I kept blaming everything on my mom.
Really none of this was her fault at all.
With that, I let the topic drop. I didn’t feel up to talking right now, let alone keep everyone looking at me. I stared down at my hands in my lap, and Lindsey must have thought I was just as upset about leaving as she was.
“Oh, Nicole!” she cried. “It’ll be okay. We’ll still be friends, even if it’s long distance.” She scooted over and threw her arms around me as she started sobbing into my shoulder. I felt really awkward. I’m not used to having to comfort people. I just kind of wrapped my arms around her, and whispered into her ear, “It’s okay. Calm down, Lindsey, calm down. It’s okay…” It's not like I wanted to seem like a terrible person in front of her friends, and have them lecture her when I'm gone about why she even wanted me as a friend in the first place if I was such a mean person.
After a bit of crying, she finally let go and sat up. Her eyes were red and her cheeks were wet, but she put on a cheerful smile and left with John to dump their trays. I decided to trail slowly after them, not wanting to be left with the others. I think Lindsey was the only one that was upset that I was leaving. Normally no one at all would care that I was leaving.
It was finally the end of the day. Only problem with that: Lindsey’s final goodbye was sure to come.
Sure enough, before I could escape homeroom as the final bell rang, Lindsey rushed up to me.
“Nicole, I don’t want you to leave.”
“I don’t want to leave either,” I lied.
“Then why are you going? Can’t you at least stay until senior year is over? It’s only one more year…” she whined.
“Lins, I told you. My mom got a new job. She can’t just wait another year before she starts her job. Ok?” I lied again.
“Ok. But I’m gonna miss you so much…” and the waterworks started again. I hugged her for, hopefully, the last time.
“I’m sorry I have to leave. I really wish I could stay, but I can’t.”
“I know!” she suddenly perked up. “You can move in with me!”
“Lins, I can’t just leave my mom alone.” And I can’t just live with your family and show them how much of a freak I am. After all, you will grow and get older, I won’t.
“Okay. Goodbye, Nicole.” She started sobbing again.
“Bye Lindsey.” I said. I tried not to smile. I was glad I wouldn’t have to deal with this again. We walked out to the parking lot together, and she walked with me to my car. She hugged me one last time and ran away. I meanly smiled after her. I was glad this day was finally over. I was glad I would be leaving. I was glad I wouldn’t have to see her again.
I got into my Porsche and drove home, enjoying every bit of the drive. This was the last time I’d ever have to see this place. I was planning on leaving this afternoon.
I pulled onto the driveway of my home and drove into the garage where I kept my car. I stopped the engine, and the roaring ended. I walked up the steps to the front door, unlocked it, and flew to my room. I must have accidentally slammed the door, because Mom poked her head in.
“Josian, is anything the matter?” she asked, still using her old England accent.
“Mom, I told you. I don’t go by Josian anymore. I changed my name to Nicole. Josian was just so old. I mean, come on. I was called Josian five hundred years ago. You really think I’m going to keep that?” I scolded her. However, I didn’t think about the fact that she would never learn. She’d been around for five hundred years too, but her mind wasn’t human.
So so many years ago, I realized that I couldn’t just live alone. I needed some sort of parent. I wasn’t a legal adult yet- and I never would be- so I needed someone to live with me so I wouldn’t have to stay with foster parents. I easily conjured up a fake mom that would last as long as I did, and I could make her “life” end whenever I wanted to. Only thing is, I wouldn’t be able to make another one. I didn’t have all of the spells memorized from the book.
Another thing about that magic book. I had sort of… destroyed it. I didn’t want anyone else to have the book, so I memorized ones that were important and wrote down others, and then I destroyed it. It wasn’t easy. It was a magic book; not meant to be destroyed. I just used a little magic fire, a little magic poison, and a few extra charms and it turned to dust. Magic dust. I gathered it into a little pouch, and every time I had to relocate, I would scatter a little of the dust at that location. Even after five hundred years of moving around, I still had a little dust left. It was a really big book. Which meant a lot of dust.
“Are you sure nothing’s wrong, Josian?” she asked, not phased by my scolding.
“Yes, mom. I’m sure. Now, go do the dishes.” I flicked my finger towards her and a dazed look crossed her already emotionless face. She slowly turned around and headed toward the kitchen.
I flew to my closet, pulled out my huge suitcase, and started stuffing everything into it. Clothing, books, CDs, the works. I was in the middle of stuffing when my mom popped back in.
“Josian, wherever might you be going?” she asked, slightly confused.
“Mom, we’re leaving. Don’t worry about it, though. I already bought us plane tickets and a new house. We’re going to New Jersey. We can’t stay here anymore.”
“Oh, well, I suppose I should start packing, then.” She smiled.
“Yes, you should. We’ll be leaving in a bit.”
With that, she went off to start packing her things into a suitcase.
“Are we bringing the furniture?” she shouted from her room.
“No, Mom. We’re leaving that for the next family to use.”
“Alright, then.”
It wasn’t too long before we were all packed up. I shoved our suitcases into the trunk of my car, and slammed it shut. I then walked around to help Mom into the passenger’s seat.
“Josian, what is this?”
“Mom, this is a car. It will help us get to the airport faster.” I swear she’ll never learn.
“How does it work?”
“Well,” I sat down behind the wheel. “I put the keys into the ignition, then I turn them to start the engine. The engine runs on gasoline, which comes from the earth. Then I press this pedal down here,” I pointed at it with my foot, “and that makes the car move. I use this wheel to tell the car which way to go.”
“That’s quite extraordinary.” She seemed awed.
“Yes, nothing like what was available during the 1500s in England.” I muttered. “Just to warn you, the engine tends to be a little loud.”
“That’s ok.”
I started the engine, and she jerked a little in her seat, not quite expecting how loud it would be, though I had warned her.
“It can move really fast, too,” I said.
“That’s ok also.”
I drove as fast as I could manage without crashing to the airport. The ride didn’t take to long because of the speed. Once we arrived there, I had to decide what to do with my car. If I sold it to someone at full price, I don’t know it anyone could afford it out of their pockets like that.
Well, I have money to spare, so… maybe I could just give it away for free. Once I got the suitcases and my mom out of the car, I picked a random person out of the crowd. I walked up to a woman that looked like she was in her mid-twenties. She looked like she would enjoy a Porsche.
“Excuse me,” I said politely. She turned to face me, a grin on her face.
“Yes?” she asked.
“I know this’ll sound funny, but do you want my car?” I asked her.
“Ummm…” she looked unsure and a little confused. “Which one’s yours?” I pointed to my car.
“It’s the black Porsche over there. I don’t need it anymore. It’s still in perfect working condition, but I’m moving and I can’t take it with me. Do you want it?”
“That’s really your car?” she looked stunned.
“Yup.” I pressed the lock button on my keys, making the lights flash and the horn honk once.
“Wow,” she was still in shock. “Uh, sure. If you don’t want it. I can really have it?”
“Yeah, it’s all yours.”
“Oh… wow… I ought to come here more often…” She muttered. She snatched the keys from me.
“Thanks! I can’t believe this!” she ran off to her new car.
“Let’s go, Mom.”
We walked through the airport to get to our plane. We boarded the airplane after waiting for a few hours. Mom and I sat next to each other, but I didn’t say a word to her. But after a while, the silence must have become unbearable to her.
“Josian, why are we leaving?” she asked me.
“Mom, I can’t just stay here and wait for everyone to realize that I’m not getting any older.” I whispered. The last thing I needed was for the whole plane to hear that I couldn’t age.
“Oh, ok.”
“And same thing with you. You’re not getting any older either. People are going to notice that you’re not getting wrinkles or gray hair. Humans aren’t that stupid. They can tell. And I don’t think I could just rewire all their brains with magic.” I continued. At one point I may have been the most powerful magician in the world, but going for hundreds of years without continually using magic can have its side effects. I’m not quite as powerful anymore. However, I was still the most powerful magician. Matter of fact, I was probably the only magician. Magic existed at one point, but most of it was long gone now.
We went the rest of the trip in silence. I listened to my CDs while she read a book. Thankfully it didn’t take to long to get to New Jersey. Once we got off the plane, I realized I didn’t have a car. Duh, Nicole. I smacked my forehead.
“Josian, what’s the matter?” Mom asked me, worried by my action.
“I don’t have a car. I’m an idiot. We’ll have to ride the bus until I can buy one.”
“Alright,” she nodded.
We walked a few blocks to find a bus stop. But, shockingly, we actually found a BMW car dealership.
“Wow,” I muttered. “Talk about good luck.”
Mom and I walked over to the dealership, and quickly browsed through the cars. Mom didn’t really have much to say because this whole ‘car thing’ was so new to her. She had been cooped up in a house for so long and she had a really bad memory (since she really didn’t have too much in the way of a brain), so she didn’t remember that we had done this so many other times.
I spotted a red coupe in the lot. I went to inspect it. Of course I had my eyes on the expensive one. I pulled Mom into the main building and walked right up to the desk.
“Can I have that red coupe out there?” I pointed to it. The lady behind the desk looked up.
“Umm… excuse me?”
“Can I have that one? The red one over there? Can I just pay for it here? Or do I have to talk to some one special?” I asked.
“Umm…” she hesitated.
“I’ll pay extra. And I’ll give you a huge tip if you just let me pay for it right here. I have the money. I can pay for it in one shot. Plus I’m desperate for a car…” I went on. She looked interested now.
“You really have the money? And how big of a tip?” she asked, her eyebrow rising.
“A few thousand, if you’d like. I have it right here.”
She looked unsure for a second, but the moment passed quickly.
“Cash or credit?”
“Cash. All in cash.”
“Alright. You count the money while I go try to get the keys.” She walked off. I was surprised she gave in that easy. But hey, whatever. If I could get a new car that quick, I don’t have a problem with it.
I pulled the rolls of bills out of my suitcase. It took forever, but I finally managed to count out around a thousand one-hundred-dollar bills. Thankfully I had the help of my mom and the lady from behind the desk-though I think she might have snatched a few for herself during the counting.
She handed me the keys and took the money.
“Thank you,” I said.
“Oh, you’re so welcome,” she replied, looking greedily at the money.
Mom and I walked out of the building and straight to my new car. I unlocked it and breathed in the new-car smell. We both got into the car, and I started the engine. I listened to the soft purr of the engine. Ahhh. So much better than that loud Porsche. I had a feeling I’d love this car. I looked at Mom. She looked pleased.
“I like this one a lot better, Josian.”
“I do too.”
We drove towards Cedarville, towards home. The plane had dropped us off at Atlantic City. The ride took a little over an hour and a half of listening to the radio. Yet another thing that was ‘new’ to Mom. I just listened intently for the radio to play my favorite music, but after the whole trip was over, they still hadn’t played it.
I drove the car into a nice neighborhood. Mom looked at the houses in awe. They were very nicely built. I knew our address by heart, and quickly pulled up to a beautiful white house. It was about three stories high. I drove up the driveway and parked. I would have to wait to get into the garage, since I didn’t have the opener yet. However, I did have the key to the house. I helped Mom get the suitcases out of the trunk, and we lugged them up onto the porch. I opened the door and we stepped inside, staring at our new house.
The foyer was two stories; the grand staircase was right in front of us. At the top it split and you could see the doors to the rooms. Beside the stairs there was a hallway leading to the kitchen, and on the other side was a hallway leading to the living room. To our immediate left was an office, and to the right was the dining room. The whole inside was decorated beautifully.
We both heaved our suitcases up the steps, and chose rooms. I took the one to the right of the staircase; she took the left. I opened my door to find a beautiful blue room. It wasn’t just blue, it was baby blue. The white bed and white dressers looked amazing on the blue background. It had a wood floor, which would take a while to get used to. My last room had carpeting. But that’s ok. I plopped my suitcase up on the bed, making the mattress sink a few inches under its weight. I walked to the large window, looking out onto the street. I sat down at the window seat and watched people walk by.
They were mostly couples, the passers. It made me envious. I knew that was something I could never have.
Love.
I had seen it happen a thousand times. Couples, everywhere you turn, talking about marriage, and about kids, and being together for their whole life.
But then I’d also seen heartbreak. I’d seen people cry over the one they loved, and they didn’t want to think about the fact that the person they once loved would never love them again.
One more thing I remember quite clearly; death.
I had seen that happen thousands of times, too. The man would be shipped off to war, and never come back. The woman would be walking home from work where she’d be pulled into an alley and never heard from again. How could their significant other live without them?
The same goes for me: who could love me? How would it be possible for me to love someone else? How could I survive knowing that the one I loved would grow old and die, when I would only stay the same? Never getting older, never growing, never changing. Never facing death. It’s not fair. But when I think about it, I put this curse on myself. I was selfish, only wanting to be powerful forever. I was a bad person. I still am. Although that part of me is slowly fading, slowly becoming nothing… If only I could follow it’s example. If only I could slowly fade, slowly become nothing…
I know that will never happen. I’ve condemned myself.
I hate me.
I don’t know how I can live.
Oh, yes, actually I do. Maybe I can live because I can’t die?!? Because I’m immortal?!? Because the peace of death will never surround me?!?
Or maybe the spell didn’t really work….
Maybe I died when I cast it. Maybe right now I’m living my own personal hell. Maybe I’m finally being punished for all of the wrong-doing in my life. Maybe, just maybe…
My life is a nightmare. I wish I could end this curse. How, though? How could I possibly do it? I know I have power, I know I have strength. But there’s no possible spell that could counter-act the curse of immortality.
I now understand why it’s a curse.
Living for five hundred plus years is the worst possible thing to happen. Ever.
Immortality sucks.
But then, my self-pity suddenly turned to rage. Why do these normal people get to experience the most wonderful things, while I, the most powerful sorcerer in all the world, would never, ever get the chance.
My mind flew with thoughts of destruction. I had this incredible urge to smash something, or hurt someone, or…
I could tell my more evil side was growing stronger. I could feel it in my body. It was as if I had the little angel and little devil on my shoulders. The little devil slowly grew larger, and larger as it ran over to squash the little angel.
I knew I had to calm myself down, but why should I? It felt so great to feel human fear, to listen to their terrified screams as I unleashed my power on them. To see them tremble like the weak things they were.
I knew I was better than them. Yet, they were the ones enjoying their life, not me.
I glared down at the couple passing by. I wanted to kill them. I didn’t want them to feel joy any more. They didn’t deserve it. They were just little weaklings. They were like mere children to me, children who didn’t deserve their candy. I’d have to take it away. Someone had to be the grown-up in this situation. And who better to do it than me? I would gladly take the position of adult. I would gladly rip the candy out of the children’s hands.
I stood up, hands clenched in fists. I stomped out of my room, then leaped down the steps. I flew out the front door, knowing what I was about to do. Knowing that I’d have to relocate instantly. Knowing that I was about to become myself again. Good old Josian.
But then, I paused on the front porch, something I shouldn’t have done. I quickly re-thought the situation, the angel on my shoulder slowly coming back to life.
I unclenched my hands. How could I be thinking this way? I couldn’t let myself destroy my life again.
But what was there to destroy? I had no life.
The battle between good and bad raged on in my head. Should I feel powerful and destroy them right now? But that would be a terrible thing to do! Yes, but I would feel powerful again! That’s what I want? Yes, I want to feel good about myself, I want to feel powerful! But don’t feel powerful by killing people! Well, how else would I do it?
This never-ending war was giving me a headache. I went inside, took some Tylenol, and rested on the couch.
